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FIREFLIES

from GOD IS LUCK by Bad History Month

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lyrics

Fireflies

9 years old
9pm on a summer night
in the field behind the school
with the older kids and the fireflies
the feeling of twilight is less about the sky
than the colors in between things near the ground
at about my height

trying to tag along but hanging back a bit
if not in terms of distance then
in terms of acting part of it
the soft electric tension of fun
coming or just arrived
as the air tints incrementally
and suddenly the fireflies
form a perfect flat grid
stretched across the whole field
about 4 feet above the ground
hanging there, eerily still

Katie yells out "WHO BEEFED?!?"
and I lose my composure
and cackle til I realize I should try and act older
and as the sky begins to dip towards total night
just before the little kids will have to leave
and dawdle home beneath the street lights
the oldest boy walks off to catch a firefly
cups it in his hand, shows it to the group
and then smears it down his thigh
and the unexpected magic alchemical surprise
of the glowing line it leaves traced down his jeans
just blows all our minds

trapped between the feelings of amazement and disgust
and sadness for the innocent insect getting crushed
standing in the darkness, trying not to cry
while the older kids run off to catch themselves some fireflies

and the circle forms again and again
as everybody tries
rubbing bugs onto their bodies
and the gleam that haunts their eyes
evokes the frenzy of the ancients in a sacrificial rite
suburban Saturnalia in the endless summer night
and everyone wants to be part of it
yeah, everyone wants to be baptized
and they keep upping the ante til everybody shrieks
at the girl who turns around with glowing streaks
down both her cheeks

meanwhile I watch hoping nobody will see
that there isn't any badge of glowing chemical on me
and say that I'm a baby cause I'm scared to kill a bug
but luckily the fun begins to dwindle to a shrug

and the circle breaks apart a final time
and I walk home with my brother
glad that we're finally alone together
and we talk about how fireflies work
and we wonder
and later on I lay in bed staring at the ceiling
still thinking about the golden grid
just hanging in the field
silently blinking

credits

from GOD IS LUCK, released September 29, 2023

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